Due to my recent glutting on the tv show Big Bang Theory combined with how godawfully slowly this day has gone by, I have serious ponderings about the time space continuum and relativity. Unfortunately, I don't have the corresponding vocabulary and/or background in theoretical physics to either voice or answer my own questions. That's some sort of feedback loop the likes of which may just confound Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
If I didn't absolutely know that the full moon passed me by a few nights ago, I'd swear it was on it's way tonight. Or someone hung out the psychiatric shingle in front of the library today.
It's slow, Slow, ssssslllllloooooowwwww and I'm mucho bored. I've done paperwork until my eyes are blurry and irritated and I can do no more. I've filled in calendars, cleaned up dirty toilet paper, made more coffee than is served at Waffle House, watched gross people dig around in the candy dish, answered a million questions that all seemed to go this similar directions "do you have 1040 tax forms? yes. you do? yes. so you really do? yes. i just can't believe you can say that without looking. i can." and still have to stop by Walmart on the way home.
I took 4 and a half days of staycation last week in an attempt to recharge my solitude batteries and it has been sucked away most aggressively since Tuesday. I didn't even know that was possible. It makes me think some deep thoughts like, am I burning out after only 17 years? I don't want to be that crotchety middle-aged librarian so popular in myth, much less a crotchety old one. I've got a shitload to go before retirement is an option and there's nothing I'd rather do. That is the crux of the problem. I adore my work, but I get so tired of it so easily nowadays. Am I broken? People get on my nerves like they have never gotten on them before, and they're not even new people. They are regulars that I've seen and dealt with for YEARS and they are only now trying to be the last straw? How does that even happen?
I used to hate being around people, then I started public service and discovered I loved helping them, not I seem to be on the other side of some sort of bell curve that I don't appreciate being on. I was not consulted, or asked, or warned for that matter. Perhaps it's living alone and liking it, perhaps too much, though I certainly don't want a roommate again. I can't even imagine having to put up with a significant other at this point, much less a casual acquaintance. Maybe I need to take a meditation class, dig around in my own head a bit. Maybe take it seriously and let someone else dig around in my head a bit.