parking turtle

In the interest of Google indexing, I leave the following JPEG for everyone's amusement and use.

unfortunate children's book titles

By popular demand, I give you The List.  I have shelved each and every one of these books at one time or another during my career.  What you are about to read is not a lie.  Check Amazon, I dare you.  

The Love Affair of Mr. Ding and Mrs. Dong

One Tricky Monkey Up On Top 

Licks of Love  

Six Is So Much Less Than Seven 

Little Lee Lee’s Birthday Bang

Charlene Likes To Make Noise

Something Is Growing

It Looked Like Spilled Milk

The Missing Piece Meets the Big O

Hop On Pop

What Do You Do With A Tail Like This?  

Ernest and the Big Itch  

Let’s Do That Again! 

The Feel Good Book 

Going Solo

The Great Snake Escape

Show & Tell Bunnies 

Rain Romp    

Ten In A Bed  

Don’t Pop Your Cork On Mondays

Lunchtime For Purple Snake 

Just Too Little

Naughty Nautical Neighbors 

Just Enough Is Plenty 

Six Is So Much Less Than Seven

Captain Underpants and the Attack Of the Naughty Lunchroom Ladies

Meet My Staff                                                     

How To Do Three Bears With Two Hands

Samantha’s Special Talent

Pants Off First!

How Did You Grow So Big, So Soon?

Tom Swift and His Big Dirigible

Upchuck and the Rotten Willy

Something Big Has Been Here

Magical Melons

What Aunts Do Best

A Squash and a Squeeze

The Very Noisy Night

The Best Toy of All

Have You Got My Purr?

There's a Wocket in my Pocket

Oliver's Milkshake

Two Girls Can!

The Shape of Me and Other Stuff

Inch by Inch

Can You Make a Piggy Giggle?

The Hungry Thing Returns

The Chick on the Thick Brick

Are You Ready to Play Outside?

Anna Shares

The Hole in the Dike

Ding Dong! Gorilla!

I See Kitty

Eat Up, Little Donkey

Runny Honey

Mr. Putter and Tabby Pick the Pears

Did I Hear a Hello From Above or Below?

Crunch Munch

Just Big Enough

I'm Too Fond of My Fur

Willie's Adventures

Your Daddy Was Just Like You

Too Noisy!

You Are (Not) Small
Play With Me
Tools Rule!
On My Way To Bed
The Incredible Shrinking Superhero
Noisy Nora
Miss Maple's Seeds
A Big Guy Took My Ball!
More More More, Said the Baby
Rise of the Snakes
Guess Who Bites
Beware the Lizard

true story

Teen at the library: "My sister is turning 20. She's so old." Me:

pic.twitter.com/eJLb3nyx63
— Rita Meade (@ScrewyDecimal) February 12, 2015

2014 stuff and thangs

I just said to a coworker, this is why I keep up with things.  I've felt this whole year like I haven't lost any real weight because it just looked like the scale wasn't moving.  But looka there!  30 pounds.  Not too shabby!  Only 30 more to go, then I'll have to sell an ovary or a kidney or something to get a tummy tuck.  I've secretly considered starting a GoFundMe or Kickstarter, but there are people with cancer out there trying to get chemo and I don't want to steal their thunder.  On the other hand, there are lazy people getting out of credit card debt too, so it bears thinking about nonetheless.  Anyway, I'm patting myself on the back and looking forward to reaching my weightloss goals this year.  VSG was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself!

2014
January 6 - 238.2
February 3 - forgot
March 3 - 242.2
April 7 - 241.4
May 5 - 237.4
June 2 - 235.9
July 7 - 225.4
August 4 - 221.2
September 1 - Away From Home
October 6 - 213.0
November 3 - 209.8

December 1 - 209.6

Books of 2014

• 102. Cold Pursuit by Toni Anderson
• 101. The Bottom Line by Sandy James
• 100. Sprinkles on Top by Kim Law
• 99. The Martian by Andy Weir
• 98. Lucifer's Rogue by Colleen Gleason
• 97. The Maverick's Red Hot Reunion by Christine Glover
• 96. Sweet Southern Betrayal by Robin Covington
• 95. The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi
• 94. The Walking Dead: Book 9 by Robert Kirkman et al
• 93. The Walking Dead: Book 8 by Robert Kirkman et al
• 92. The Taking by Dean Koontz
• 91. Bound by Night by Larissa Ione
• 90. Heroes Are My Weakness by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
• 89. Irresistible Force by D.D. Ayres
• 88. Carrie by Stephen King
• 87. The Walking Dead: Book 7 by Robert Kirkman et al
• 86. Saga: Volume 3 by Brian Vaughan and Fiona Staples
• 85. Saga: Volume 2 by Brian Vaughan and Fiona Staples
• 84. Gentlemen Bootleggers by Bryce T. Bauer
• 83. Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy
• 82. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving
• 81. This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett
• 80. Saga: Volume 1 by Brian Vaughan and Fiona Staples
• 79. The Walking Dead: Book 6 by Robert Kirkman et al
• 78. The Walking Dead: Book 5 by Robert Kirkman et al
• 77. Working in the Shadows by Gabriel Thompson
• 76. The Quick by Lauren Owen
• 75. Acceptance by Jeff Vandermeer
• 74. The Husband's Secret by Laura Moriarty
• 73. The Magicians by Lev Grossman
• 72. Nothing...Except My Genius by Oscar Wilde
• 71. Serpent of Venice by Christopher Moore
• 70. Close Your Eyes, Hold Hands by Chris Bohjalian
• 69. The Girl in the Road by Monica Byrne
• 68. Orphan Train by Christina Kline
• 67. House of Small Shadows by Adam Nevill
• 66. Through the Woods by Emily Carroll
• 65. The Walking Dead: Book 4 by Robert Kirkman et al
• 64. I Have a Bad Feeling About This by Jeff Strand
• 63. Authority by Jeff Vandermeer
• 62. The Walking Dead: Book 3 by Robert Kirkman et al
• 61. Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America by John Waters
• 60. The Walking Dead: Book 2 by Robert Kirkman et al
• 59. Seven Years to Sin by Sylvia Day
• 58. The Marriage Act by Liza Monroy
• 57. Surprise Offense by Carole Halston
• 56. Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor
• 55. Where'd You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple
• 54. Dragon's Egg by Robert Forward
• 53. His Wicked Games by Ember Casey
• 52. Cree by H.J. Bellus
• 51. The Aviator's Wife by Melanie Benjamin
• 50. Rule Breaker by Lora Leigh
• 49. Rules of Summer by Shaun Tan
• 48. Little Blog on the Prairie by Cathleen Davitt Bell
• 47. Hope Ignites by Jaci Burton
• 46. The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson
• 45. It Had To Be You by Jill Shalvis
• 44. The Mane Event by Shelly Laurenston
• 43. Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer
• 42. The Walking Dead: Book 1 by Robert Kirkman et al
• 41. The Word Made Flesh: Literary Tattoos from Bookworms Worldwide by Eva Talmadge & Justin Taylor
• 40. Night Film by Maria Pessl
• 39. The Last of Us: American Dreams Volume 1 by Neil Druckmann, et al
• 38. Hope Flames by Jaci Burton
• 37. Fangoria presents Dreadtime Stories: Volume 1
• 36. Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris
• 35. Four Weddings and a Fireman by Jennifer Bernard
• 34. Mr. Rosenblum Dreams in English by Natasha Solomons
• 33. Allegiant by Veronica Roth
• 32. D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths by Edgar and Ingri D'Aulaire
• 31. Drive by Daniel H. Pink
• 30. House of the Stag by Kage Baker
• 29. Insurgent by Veronica Roth
• 28. Desperately Seeking Fireman by Jennifer Bernard
• 27. Divergent by Veronica Roth
• 26. Orphanage by Robert Buettner
• 25. To All a Very Sexy Good Night by K.A. Mitchell and Josh Lanyon
• 24. Breaking Point by Pamela Clare
• 23. Snowbound with Dr. Delectable by Susan Carlisle
• 22. Just for the Summer by Jenna Rutland
• 21. Code of Honor by Radclyffe
• 20. Temptation by Kathryn Barrett
• 19. Hot Buttered Yum by Kim Law
• 18. Hip Check by Deirdre Martin
• 17. Breakaway by Deirdre Martin
• 16. The Life List by Lori Nelson Spielman
• 15. Take Over at Midnight by M.L. Buchman
• 14. Captain Blood by Michael Blodgett
• 13. All I'm Asking For by Brighton Walsh, Christi Barth, and Kat Latham
• 12. Something Like Summer by Jay Bell
• 11. Goin' Someplace Special by Patricia McKissack and Jerry Pinkney
• 10. The Silence of Our Friends by Mark Long, Jim Demonakos, and Nate Powell
• 9. Knowing the Score by Kat Latham
• 8. Hard As It Gets by Laura Kaye
• 7. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
• 6. Holiday Games by Jaci Burton
• 5. Hold On My Heart by Tracy Brogan
• 4. The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place: The Interrupted Tale by Maryrose Wood
• 3. Born Wild by Julie Ann Walker
• 2. Icebreaker by Deirdre Martin
• 1. Power Play by Deirdre Martin

At the Movies 2014

• 16. The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies
• 15. Rifftrax: Santa Claus
• 14. Rifftrax: Anaconda
• 13. Annabelle
• 12. As Above, So Below
• 11. Guardians of the Galaxy
• 10. Maleficent
• 9. Neighbors
• 8. Godzilla
• 7. Oculus
• 6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2)
• 5. The Single Mom's Club
• 4. 300: Rise of an Empire (2)
• 3. Winter's Tale
• 2. Robocop
• 1. Ride Along