Sunday, January 25, 2009

a vocabulary lesson

disappointment - (noun) buying your ticket to see My Bloody Valentine in 3-D, getting your neat super spiffy pair of 3-D glass to view said film, watching your 3 friends step up to buy their tickets for gory goodness only to be told that the film is now sold out, trading in your super spiffy pair of 3-D glasses for viewing gory goodness for a ticket to see Hotel For Dogs.

Now that my little whiny torrent is over, Hotel for Dogs is a fun little movie!  If you like to look at tons and tons of cute puppehs (I use that as an all inclusive term, most of the dogs were of the grown variety) then this movie is for you.  I loved all the little gadgets that the young protagonist Bruce came up with to keep the dogs entertained, especially the scene with the various doors,, and the car simulator.

But, dear reader, let me share with you the tip-top, numero uno, take the cake, funniest thing about this particular movie screening.  An older couple, sans children, sat in front of us and my instinct is that they were suffering "sold-out" syndrome with us (my guess for them would have been Gran Torino).  About 1/3 of the way in, the man seemed to be suffering from indigestion of some sort for I haven't heard burps like that since the last time I watched Revenge of the Nerds...everyone remembers Bugger, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!  

Of course we all got the giggles.  But let me tell you...about halfway into the movie it suddenly became apparent that he was asleep (!!!) because the sound that began to issue from him is indescribable in one word.  Z voted for T. rex, I vote for industrial chainsaw, KT was laughing so hard she choked and coughed so she can vote later.  It was the most HoRrEnDoUs noise I've ever heard.  All the little kids in the row in front of him were craning in their seats with vaguely terrified expressions.  Maybe they were leaning toward T.rex too.  The man's wife just looked at him every now and again and let him continue to sit there sawing away!  

Let's take a trip back in time...when we graduated from high school, my boyfriend at the time got a job working in a warehouse on the insane shift of 11pm-7am.  I went to the movies with him after that one time and one time only...looking back, that may have been the beginning of the end.  A similar situation arose, but then again, so did I and we left.  I wasn't about to sit next to a snoring man while everyone became increasingly annoyed.  He was pretty mad at me for refusing to go back with him, but I didn't care.  I was about 19 or 20 at the time but I'm fairly certain it would still not fly with me.  I don't like intrusions into my theater time from anything and this was an intrusion of epic proportions.  That man needs to go participate in a sleep study. 

that is all.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

! ! ! guess what I'm going to see tonight ! ! !

I was just telling Daxx the Magnificent that I haven't seen a 3-D movie since Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare in 1991.  My mother took a friend and I to see the Halloween night midnight showing of this fine piece of 3-D cinema.  I loved it!  Daxx has recommended not seeing it again as it will not hold the same value to my 31-year old self (used to digital cinema and sound as I am) as it did to my 14-year old self.  I won't deny that this is true and I have no intentions of sullying my memories by reviewing it.  

I'm almost afraid to watch Cloverfield on DVD for the same reason.  I want to remember it as I first saw it (4 times) on the big screen with even bigger sound and seat-rattling special effects.

Of course, I belatedly remembered that actually, the last 3-D event I viewed was the Hannah Montana thingy....don't say a word!  I took my amazing niece, for whom I have not yet come up with a nickname adequate for her awesomeness, and I am a spectacular aunt, fully aware and ready to complete my familial responsibilities with enthusiasm and integrity...and that's all I'll say about the matter.  Okay, almost all I will say.  Further, I will say that her other uncle, my half brother's other half brother, after serving a couple of tours of duty in Iraq, chickened out on watching Hannah Montana.  

That is the spectacularousnessarity of Aunt Holley.

super secret secretness

so this makes me feel kind of silly, but I agreed when I signed up to not share information with others about it so I'll just have to be content with feeling silly.  Anyway, I signed up to be a panelist with Tell Harlequin (you can too!), the publisher of legions of conveniently short romance titles for many, many, many, many years.  A few weeks ago Harlequin sent me a 2009 calendar of vintage Harlequin covers from the 1950's (which was so hilarious I giggle even now when I think of it) and two books to read and about which I now have to fill out a survey.  I'm not supposed to talk about them so I hope even this scant info won't get me in trouble :)

I'm posting about them because it was two books, and I read those two books so they should definitely count toward my 100+ Reading Challenge even though I can't really talk about them with you here.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Sea of Poppies by Amitav Ghosh

Amitav Ghosh’s Sea of Poppies lured me in because of the starred review it received from Publisher’s Weekly and the phrase Diaspora, myth and a fascinating language mashup propel the Rubik's cube of plots in Ghosh's picaresque epic hit every high note that I enjoy in a novel.

Yeah well, it was ultimately the “fascinating language mashup” that sort of brought the level of enjoyment down a few notches for me.  There were so many italicized words of Bengali, Hindustani, and the real mashup of the sailor’s language that I kind of spaced out.  Most of them were followed by the English translation but I still got sort of bogged down in all the explanation.

What I did like about this book was the view of 19th century India it provided and the cast of characters was great.  Deeti is a strong woman for her time, willing to leave everything behind for a chance at a better life.  Zachary Reid, despite his youth, is well on his way to becoming a great man capable of making a difference in the world.  Paulette Lambert, stranded and an outcast in what she thought was her rightful home, does what it takes to escape those who would pursue her.  I don’t quite know what to say about Neel.  I’ll just leave it at saying that personal growth rarely comes at such a price as he pays as a result of his naivety.

This story revolves around the poppy plant and it's devilish offspring, opium, as well as ships, boats, and water…rivers, tributaries, and the menacing Black Water (the Bay of Bengal best I can tell).  This rather longish novel (528 pages) makes way much like a boat being oared against the current.  There are fast moving places where you make a lot of headway but there are also slow moving parts of the plot that make you want to give it up and take on a new task.  Ultimately, I’m glad I finished the book.  It wasn’t one of the best I’ve read but it was by no means the worst.  I will definitely be recommending it to my friends and patrons who enjoy more involved historical fiction.  

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Door: Poems by Margaret Atwood

I don’t read poetry very often and I’m not sure why. I remember reading some truly great poetry in college, but I’m hard-pressed to tell you what that was now. The ones I do remember enjoying were Charles Baudelaire, Walt Whitman, Chaucer, Shakespeare’s sonnets, Marie de France, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Beowulf, and the like. I’ve never really found any poets of a more contemporary variety that I read consistently. Occasionally I will find a little something here and there that I really enjoy and that is the case with Margaret Atwood’s The Door: Poems.

I loved (and was not a little terrified by) Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale so I decided to give her new book of poems a try. The bonus? The hardback copy that my library purchased comes with a cd of the author reading some of her work from the volume. There are fifty poems in the book and there were 8 that I made copies of to make a few notes on. Here are some of my favorite lines from those poems:

Gasoline – “I knew that it was poison, its beauty an illusion: I could spell flammable.”

My Mother Dwindles – “Everyone says This can’t go on, but it does. It’s like watching somebody drown.”

Heart – “Some people sell their blood. You sell your heart. It was ether that or the soul. The hard part is getting the damn thing out.”

Your Children Cut Their Hands – “but now they’ve cut themselves on love, and cry in secret, and your own hands go numb”

Secret – “and now it’s in you, secrecy. Ancient and vicious, luscious as dark velvet. It blooms in you, a poppy made of ink.”

The Hurt Child – “The hurt child will grow a skin over the wound you have given it – or not given, because the wound is not a gift, a gift is accepted freely, and the child had no choice.”

Questioning the Dead – “The sound you hear is the question you should have asked. Also the answer.”

Another Visit to the Oracle, 6(III) – “I tell dark stories before and after they come true.”

So? I like the dark stuff, it lances a wound, ya know? It isn’t like I didn’t warn you, I did say I liked Baudelaire... What kind of poetry do YOU like?

Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella

Confessions of a Shopaholic has been consistently popular since it was published and now, with the movie coming out, I figured it was time to jump on the bandwagon and see for myself what all the hype was about.

I have to admit, I was underwhelmed. It was very British and quite funny and cute to begin with but Rebecca’s increasingly psychotic denial of her financial difficulties quickly began to get on my nerves. I remember occasionally overdrawing my account when I was in college and a few years afterward but I was always so conscious of not having any money that I just couldn’t wrap my mind around ignoring that fact and buying all that crap. I sure as hell didn’t have a credit card!

I read science fiction regularly so it isn’t as if I have no practice with suspension of disbelief. I really don’t know why I had such a problem with this. I just didn’t find a shred of camaraderie with nor sympathy for Ms. Rebecca Bloomwood except in her most embarrassing situations. Even then, it was cringing, not sympathizing. The only redeeming moment for me was Rebecca’s appearance on the Morning Coffee TV show. She was focused on doing something good for someone else without much thought as to what the consequences would be for her. Unfortunately, after her insightful success, why is she suddenly happy? Because she can now get rid of the harassing bank manager and get more stuff. I saw a momentary change of behavior and thought but no real evidence of a life change. I figured that out A) because of the QVC incident and B) because there are several more books in the series, all titled with Shopaholic (none of which I plan to read at this point).

I apologize to the legions of fans out there, but it was just too self-centered a novel for me. This opinion is gathered without having read the full series and I take personal responsibility for that, but I have too many books to read to persevere with a bunch more when I wasn’t just blown away by the first in the series.

Damn Nation by Andrew Cosby and J. Alexander

A long lost Russian cargo ship turns up in a port, all crew dead (or so they think). One twitching, desiccated body later, a vampiric plague is loosed upon the U.S. Five years of carnage later, a message is received by the U.S. Government (which has sought asylum in London) saying there is a cure. An elite team of operatives is dispatched to secure it but they soon discover that not everyone is eager for the resurgence of America as a superpower.

I found this graphic novel through Amazon’s “Customers who bought this item also bought” feature when I was linking through to the Walking Dead series. It looked good and had a good description so I decided to give it a try. Damn Nation was not a bad effort, but it suffered severely from following so closely in the footsteps of The Walking Dead. The artwork is good and the premise is great but the character development just wasn’t there for me. I wish the author had taken more time, made it a bigger book, and really gotten into the depths of the story. So much of it seemed glossed over. Character development is something that I consider to be tricky business in graphic novels and something that The Walking Dead series does so well through facial expression (wickedly done in two dimensions) and great dialogue.

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Walking Dead: Book 3 by Robert Kirkman et al

There is very little I like better than a good post-apocalyptic zombie tale and The Walking Dead series is a very good post-apocalyptic zombie tale!  Mucho kudos to Daxx the Magnificent for not only bringing it to my attention but also letting me read his own personal beloved copies.  I was mentioning to Daxx that I had read 30 Days of Night and thoroughly enjoyed it and he said that if I liked 30DoN then I would LoVe the Walking Dead...he was not wrong!

These have been my first forays into the world of comics/graphic novels and I will start of by saying that in no way is The Walking Dead series intended for anything but an adult audience.  There are zombies for crying out loud and they are doing all sorts of gross zombie things.  This also rules out readers of a squeamish bent.  The only thing saving it is that these, or the collected editions at any rate as I have not seen the individual issues, are in black and white.  Even I would be a bit nauseous if these stories were in full anatomical color.  Also, there are adulterous affairs, sexual assignations, and other crimes of varying degrees of violence fully illustrated for the reader.  Just so you know.

Anyway, The Walking Dead series follows a group of survivors as they search desperately for a place to call their own amongst the constant carnage.  All American cities that they know of have been overrun with zombies and the creatures follow them around, occasionally picking off one of their number.  Place after place after place of seeming safety reveals itself as a trap of sorts and the sleeplessness, stress, and isolation quickly take their tole.  This is a dark tale of survival, crushing loneliness, and the bedraggled shreds of hope that won't be denied.  

Similarities to the film 28 Days Later are impossible to ignore, but that is one of my favorite movies so it doesn't bother me.  

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes

I read Under the Tuscan Sun on the recommendation of a fellow librarian whose book suggestions I always consider very seriously.  She recommended the book very highly and also the film adaptation, which I watched before I read the book.  I was enchanted with the movie (very much a chick flick and I don't wholeheartedly enjoy those very often) and eager to read the book.  The fellow librarian did warn me beforehand that extensive "creative license" was exercised in adapting the book :P

Wow.  That's my first impression.  I admitted to KT that this book stirs in me the compulsion to liquidate all of my unconsiderable assets, move to Italy, and find some crumbling estate to buy, fix up, and languish in until the end of my days.  Ms. Mayes has me longing for olives, good wine, bruchetta, porcini, pears, gorgonzola, fresh pasta, pungent herbs, cleansing sunshine, and, I admit, Italian men.  She enjoys shopping more than I ever could, but on everything else we agree!

My coworker Mrs. D said she tried to start the book but was put off my the author's "whiney tone."  I didn't get that impression but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you loved Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia then you will also enjoy Under the Tuscan Sun.  Unfortunately, the opposite is also true so don't waste your time.

Mayes takes these long, rambling literary journeys aroundabout the country she has come to love, lovingly describing the actual long, rambling walks and explorations she and Ed take in and around the countryside surrounding her new, beloved estate, Bramasole (literally, "yearning for the sun," isn't that lovely?!).  Another warning, if you can't handle stream-of-consciousness, don't proceed any further.  Of course, I thought I hated it too but obviously I just don't like it when Faulkner trots it out. 

There are recipes for some of the mouthwatering dishes Mayes describes and I admit to wanting to make copies of things I will probably never make.  I also admit to having a supreme craving for bruchetta right now and not a snowball's chance in hell of getting it anywhere around here. I'd have to drive 45 minutes just to approach anything even decently Italian...maybe I can talk Mom into it tomorrow as we are meeting for lunch.

Anyway, Under the Tuscan Sun is a feast on so many levels...indulge yourself why don't you?!?!

Happy Reading!

a kitteh psa

this is Binky

this would be Binky if I got a new kitteh

i'm feeling blue

but not in a sad way :)

The green only stayed in a couple of days, so I decided to try a brighter shade this time around!

Please pardon my cluttered refrigerator! In the background you can see my very favorite apron. It says, "Sophisticated, Seductive, Complex, and Full-Bodied...and the Wine's Not Bad Either!). It makes food taste better to cook in it. Seriously.

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Friday, January 16, 2009

Thursday, January 15, 2009

this is less amazing

severe brain swelling and cardiac arrest after getting clocked with a Wii remote...I've nearly seen such a thing myself.  I don't know who would have administered the rescue breaths.

now this is amazing

after two strokes, this gentleman is declared clinically blind but it is discovered that he responds appropriately to other peoples' facial expressions...his eyes see without him being aware of it!  The brain is a weird and wonderful enigma indeed.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

not that I go through other people's stuff

cuz, you know, there might be gross stuff...but I would love to have this on a t-shirt :)
song chart memes
more music charts

100+ Reading Challenge Reviews

1. The United States Constitution:  A Graphic Adaptation by Jonathan Hennessey and Aaron McConnell
I personally would never have thought I could sit down and read a book about the Constitution but I read this one cover to cover in almost one sitting.  I learned several things I did not know, got a refresher on many others, and giggled a time or two as well.  VERY accessible and quite scholarly for a general overview.  
2. a mercy by Toni Morrison
This novel had a bit too much of a stream-of-consciousness feel to it for me to really love it. That being said, most parts of the story were very cohesive and very moving.  I liked getting the story from so many different perspectives, especially the perspectives of Florens and Lina. Heartbreaking, bitter, redemptive, and so horrifically indicative of what was to blossom from the first stirrings of indentured and slave labor.  I look forward to reading another of Morrison's books soon.

and you shall be entombed in a volcano of bananas

okay, the first is just mean

the second is simply weird

and the third is on the border way the hell on the other side of stupid as sh!t

nonetheless, enjoy!

Monday, January 12, 2009

too bad it wasn't a darwin award...

Stop me if you've heard this one...

a woman calls her country's equivalent of 9-1-1 and asks for help with her crossword puzzle

...only, it isn't a joke's your sign.

almost as good as the Gallery of Regrettable Food!

(via Cakewrecks!)

140 and counting :)

Um, so I swiped this off a friend's Facebook page but didn't want to post it to FB, no right now anyway.  So, here you go!

They say if you've seen over 85 films (or 85 of these particular films, anyway,) you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x ) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x ) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(x ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
( x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Total: 8

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
(x ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
( x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 14

(x) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 17

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( x) Resident Evil 1
( x) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x ) The Village
( ) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 25

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x ) Signs
(x ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
( x) I, Robot
( x) Robots
Total so far: 30

( x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( x) Universal Soldier
( x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(X  Along Came Polly
( x) Deep Impact
(X ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
Total so far: 39

(x ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x ) Dumb & Dumber
(x ) Dumber & Dumberer
(x ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( x) Halloween
( x) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
(x ) Surviving X-MAS
(x ) Flubber
Total so far: 47

( x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
(x ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( x) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 53

(x ) The Day After Tomorrow
(x ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
() Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x ) Gothika
( x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( x) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 60

( x) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
() Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
() Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(x ) Bedazzled
(x ) Predator I
(x ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x ) Ice Age
( x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 68

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( x) Darkness Falls
(x ) Christine
(x) ET
( x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 77

( ) Best Bet
() How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
() She's All That
() Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways 
() Mars Attacks
( x) Event Horizon
(x ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 86

( x) X-Men
( x) X-2
( x) X-3
(x ) Spider-Man
(x ) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
(x ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday (the original version)
( x) Reign of Fire
( x) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(x ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 100

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street – ORGINAL VERSION, BLACK AND WHITE
(x ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 103

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 109

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
() Waiting for Guffman
(x ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
( x) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 112

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 116

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
( x) Hook
( x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( x) Phantasm
(x ) Waterworld
Total so far: 121

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( x) Mortal Kombat
(x ) Wolf Creek
() Kingdom of Heaven
( x) the Hills Have Eyes – ORIGINAL VERSION
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(x ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 126

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x ) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
() Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 131

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x ) The Matrix Revolutions
(x ) Animatrix
( x) Evil Dead
( x) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
( x) Hannibal

How about you???

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I always love the McFly references

I have been sorely tempted again in my neverending quest to avoid becoming a complete loony-tunes seclusionist, this time by this:

The Wrap 920AV Video dream come true'll be able to watch video that provides an effect as if you're looking at a 60-inch monitor from nine feet away.

Friday, January 9, 2009

because i KNOW you missed it . . .

back to 187 Ways to Amuse a Bored Cat!

Isnt' 187 the police code for a homicide???  Anyway, moving on!

Our cats like to play with a "toy" we built especially for them.  We got a 4-foot-high tree stump and securely nailed it to a 3-foot-square plywood base.  The base is covered with bath carpet.  On top of the stump, we attached a 2-foot-square plywood "perch," securely screwed into place and also covered with carpet.  using heavy elastic cord, we've hung stuffed felt toys (with catnip added to the stuffing) from the edge of the perch.  The toys are hung at different heights to provide a challenge to our cats.  When they're tired of batting the toys, they use the stump as a scratching post or for climbing practice.
A. and B., Fredericksburg, VA

Obviously what they've forgotten to mention is that they run a wildlife sanctuary.  Crikey!  Bink would NOT go for me hauling a stump into the house, plus she likes to be up high so she can peer down with disdain on people (as any good cat should).  What about termites and other bugs and germs and stuff...SPIDERS for crawling crying out loud!?!?!?  Climbing practice?  At 4 ft high? Wow, I hope the poor kitteh doesn't get vertigo.  Bink's cattree, I am proud to report, is 7 ft high and trumps your lousy stump any day!  Bink doesn't need practice because she goes ahead and just climbs.  Okay, enough bitchin'!

night ya'll!

O M G!!!!!!!! 2.0

if you didn't get a chance to enjoy this or any of the other wonders to behold at the Gallery of Regrettable Food, go now...I'll wait!

If you've had the good fortune to be fully, or mostly versed, in the Regrettable Food creed, imagine wrestling this bad boy onto the table here!

Picture it.  The cinnamon roll horror is jiggling slightly from the impact of setting it down.  It's also glistening in the glow from the Galaga light fixture, ready to be beamed up and teamed up.  I think the flowers would really set it off.  I also think the scent from the flowers would blend well with whatever scent that monstrosity is giving off.  Luckily, the vomit would show up vividly on the rug...10 points if you ring the flowers instead.   Who's house is this? :)  

Since it's too small to read, let me share the commentary on this design: "A variation of red, white and blue: Orange-red, white and blue is a delightful variation of the patriotic color medley.  Here it brightens a delightful country dining room, a composition of sleek modern and informal traditional furniture and accessories.  Geometric rugs by Magee."  

That's especially helpful for replacement after the barf-worthy meal.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

O. M. G.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have just spent the past hour and 36 minutes looking at every single page of this website.

Joy and Joyness are to be yours as well as a good deal of hilarity.  

Visit the Gallery of Regrettable Food, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As an...ahem.....taste:

Monday, January 5, 2009

the university of WTF

(I stole that phrase from

The Hag asked me why she was being "disallowed from logging into her email account"

When I got to her computer, she had typed (for example) into the browser address bar. When I tried to explain about the difference between email addresses and website addresses, she interrupted me (with a disgusting snort)

Hag: Well, I've always done it this way before and it worked just fine.

Me: Well, I'm sorry but I've never heard of that working before. You'll have to go directly to's website and log in directly to your webmail.

Hag: This used to work every time until now, what's the problem?

Me: I've never heard of anyone being able to put the @ sign in the browser address bar and have it work. I'm sorry I can't help you.

(exit, pursued by Hag's evil glare bear)

so, internets people, does this ever work?


A patron told me the copier wasn't working. When I got over to it, she had put the document she wanted copied on top of the copier, put in her money, and pressed the print button.

Me: Ma'am, see here where it says the document should be face down on the glass? You have to lift the lid and lay the document on the glass.

I lift the lid, put the document down, and ask her to put a dime in. She says, in an aside, "well, I already put a dime in, but oh well." When I retrieved her copy, there was a blank page with it.

Me: Ma'am, this is what happened to your other dime. You have to put the document you want printed IN the copier in order for it to work. (Me Thinking: We haven't yet perfected the copy-by-osmosis machine)

She laughed self-consciously (as she should have) and left quickly. I did not offer her a refund on her wasted dime and, to her credit, she didn't ask for one.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

2009, here I come (to read)!

Alright! Time to get started on the 100+ reading challenge! I have pledged to read (and review) AT LEAST 100 books this year, averaging out to 9 books a month...what have signed myself up for?

I need to be doing this for work anyway so I'm not going to complain. Ya'll are just going to have to put up with a crapload of book reviews for the next year. Feel free to call me on it if you don't see them (for the legions of imaginary readers I like to envision frantically logging on to their computers in order to read my blog instead of cooking dinner or taking care of their children or walking the dog or paying bills or whatevah).

I'm going to sort of cheat by making my first book to review the one that I started over Christmas week but before you get huffy on me (if you were), I'd like to point out that it is about 500 pages and I only got maybe 1/5 of the way through it. So hah!