O. M. G.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have just spent the past hour and 36 minutes looking at every single page of this website.

Joy and Joyness are to be yours as well as a good deal of hilarity.  

Visit the Gallery of Regrettable Food, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As an...ahem.....taste:

the university of WTF

(I stole that phrase from passiveagressivenotes.com)

The Hag asked me why she was being "disallowed from logging into her email account"

When I got to her computer, she had typed (for example) www.janedoe@email.com into the browser address bar. When I tried to explain about the difference between email addresses and website addresses, she interrupted me (with a disgusting snort)

Hag: Well, I've always done it this way before and it worked just fine.

Me: Well, I'm sorry but I've never heard of that working before. You'll have to go directly to _____.com's website and log in directly to your webmail.

Hag: This used to work every time until now, what's the problem?

Me: I've never heard of anyone being able to put the @ sign in the browser address bar and have it work. I'm sorry I can't help you.

(exit, pursued by Hag's evil glare bear)

so, internets people, does this ever work?

_______________________________

A patron told me the copier wasn't working. When I got over to it, she had put the document she wanted copied on top of the copier, put in her money, and pressed the print button.

Me: Ma'am, see here where it says the document should be face down on the glass? You have to lift the lid and lay the document on the glass.

I lift the lid, put the document down, and ask her to put a dime in. She says, in an aside, "well, I already put a dime in, but oh well." When I retrieved her copy, there was a blank page with it.

Me: Ma'am, this is what happened to your other dime. You have to put the document you want printed IN the copier in order for it to work. (Me Thinking: We haven't yet perfected the copy-by-osmosis machine)

She laughed self-consciously (as she should have) and left quickly. I did not offer her a refund on her wasted dime and, to her credit, she didn't ask for one.

2009, here I come (to read)!

Alright! Time to get started on the 100+ reading challenge! I have pledged to read (and review) AT LEAST 100 books this year, averaging out to 9 books a month...what have signed myself up for?

I need to be doing this for work anyway so I'm not going to complain. Ya'll are just going to have to put up with a crapload of book reviews for the next year. Feel free to call me on it if you don't see them (for the legions of imaginary readers I like to envision frantically logging on to their computers in order to read my blog instead of cooking dinner or taking care of their children or walking the dog or paying bills or whatevah).

I'm going to sort of cheat by making my first book to review the one that I started over Christmas week but before you get huffy on me (if you were), I'd like to point out that it is about 500 pages and I only got maybe 1/5 of the way through it. So hah!

last blog post of 2008

I'm sorry to report that I will hold off on blogging again until 2009 so hopefully you all will still be around then! ;-)

corny, I know, but I couldn't resist!  This is a big day at la casa de Holley.  I'm about to pack a bag for the overnight stay at T's for New Year's Eve but in anticipation of getting back to a non holiday work schedule next week I made a massive grocery run and have spent ALL MORNING cooking and freezing.  I'm currently waiting on my last crockpot concoction to finish cooking then I'll dish it up and freeze it.  

I made:

pot roast - bagged & froze 8 portions

lasagna - boxed & froze 12 portions

chicken and pasta casserole - boxed and froze 6 portions

roasted chicken (whole) - bagged and froze 7 portions, (it would have been more but I used 2 cups to make chicken & dumplings)

chicken & dumplings - it's not done yet but I anticipate at least 8, maybe 10 portions

that's around 40 meals!  Plus I bought some dry butterbeans to make but I don't have time at the moment.  We had ham at KT's last weekend and they were nice enough to let me take the bone and some trimmings so I'll cook the beans up sometime next week maybe and then I'll have a freezer full of good stuff.  The grocery bill was bad at checkout, but if I don't have to go again for a few months (other than perishables) then it will definitely be worthwhile.

Everyone have a safe and happy New Year and I'll catch you on the flipside!

the day after

and I am at work, bored as hell. It is absolutely useless that we are open. There are probably 10 people in here at most. I've done nothing but listen to the HVAC run for 4 hours now.

(The one bit of business? Our resident crazyass phoner-inner called and wanted to know the meaning and history of the phrase "good luck"...KT, I'll give you 1 guess and the first one doesn't count)

We really have to come up with a great nick name for her...so far I can't think of anything crazy enough. She told Mary that someone from the Middle East owned the Federal Reserve, asked Mary to corroborate this dicey info, then refused to accept Mary's quite correct answer since it did not include her crazyass information. She asked me the meaning and history of the word "renig", especially "nig" (her emphasis, not mine). She informed me that it wouldn't be hard to find and that it was ancient Greek. Um, not that I found but whatevah. I can't even recall more of our conversation now because she is straight nut crazy. She asked Lauren what love was, what it did to the brain, and how to recognize and avoid it. (I'm hoping she's avoiding it just fine.) I don't know what to tell you about that either. She asked Daxx how to recognize and what to do about passive-aggressive behavior. (I was hoping this was a cry for help, ya know?) She asked someone to diagnose a mental disorder, but I don't remember which one of us it was. As in, "go get the DSM-IV and tell me what these symptoms mean!" (Just a suggestion, it means you should look in to electroshock therapy and quit calling us)

I have it! I think I'll call her Renfield! What do you think, KT?

99 Things

Blatantly stolen from Lauren! (though she did invite anyone to join in the fray)

THE 99 THINGS MEME

Things you’ve already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven’t done and don’t want to - leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band. 
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo. *only in the car!
11. Bungee jumped.
12. Visited Paris.
13.  Watched a lightning stormat sea.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon. 
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.*Starr, Mississippi is as far as I got :)
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37.Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke. *Ha.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.

74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox.
89. Saved someone's life. 
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

Wow, that is a wide-ranging list of stuff!

conversations with Toes...

(and Toes is 2 and a half, one of my honorary nieces via KT)

Toes:  "we onwee dwaw on papuh, not own wawls, owah awms, owah ebee, owah scowt, owah mommy, owah daddy, owah auntie, owah nanna, owah aunt howie, onwee on papuh, not on wawls...right aunt howee?"

Me: that's right!  no drawing on walls, only on paper!

E: "Mom!  Bebe's on the couch!"

Toes: "BEBE!  Get owf duh couch!"  (to me:) "Bebe teetees on duh couch."

Me: Yes, Bebe is getting old and can't hold her bladder very well anymore.

Toes: Bwadduh?

Me:  Yes, everything that teetees has a bladder.

Toes: Weulll, I teetee and I don't haf a bwadduh!

Me: Yes, everyone in the house has a bladder.

Toes: Weull,  Nana don't haf a bwadduh.

Me: Yes she does.  Everyone has a bladder Toes.

Toes: why you haf two eahwings aunt howee?

Me: because I have two ears

Toes: why? (yes, we have arrived at this developmental stage)

Me: God put them there

Toes: why?

Me: You'll have to take that up with him.

Toes:  I don't haf two ears

Me: Well, what are these?

Toes: Okay, well maybe

Toes will be a philosophy major at some point I'm fairly certain :)

just for you :)

because everyone deserves a throbbing Christmas

*snicker* (thanks engrish.com)

ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS IN THE LIBERRY

(to borrow from Juice, the library ninja)

Let me start off by saying that today is the day of the stupid f*%k 

:)

I hope your day is as ridiculously special as mine is currently.  Not everyone falls under the heading of stupid f*%k, but many (many, many, many, many, many) do.

CASE IN POINT!

Patron walks up to the massive desk behind which I sit wearing my name tag that says "Holley, Reference Librarian"

Patron: Is there a big desk up here where a librarian sits?

Me:.....*blink* (then I do a Vanna White-esque presentation gesture at the desk and myself and manage a strangled, "How may I help you?)

The patron hands me a Florida driver's license (we are in the state of Alabama).

Patron: The lady downstairs told me you could give me a temporary library card....(which we don't do, never have, never will)

Me:  Do you just need to use a computer?  If you want to use the computers I can log you on but we don't give out temporary cards.

Patron: yes

______________________

dumbass.

packing stuff

I will be petsitting starting today until late afternoon Christmas day.  I'll come home every few days to check on Bink since she doesn't really handle me being gone as well as she did when she was a younger kitteh...plus I have to pick up my mail!  I'm expecting some pretty decent netflix movies in the next little while as I went wild on my queue yesterday and added about 15 things I haven't watched in oh.....15 years or so.  I'm talking great 80's and early 90's hair and corny acting, it's going to be fanf*&kingtastic when they get here.  Have you ever seen this, or maybe this?  Fun stuff, I assure you!  

anyway, gotta run so I can get to work on time today!