Tuesday, August 19, 2008

perspective

I don't think I'll be complaining about much for a while. One of the members of KT's bookgroup called to say that the 9 year-old grandson of another member died of liver cancer on Saturday. I just read the journal from caringbridge.org and can truly say, I don't have any problems of any real severity. Here is their final entry, and probably what is in the paper also:
-------- was born May 24, 1999. His life was short but well-lived. He was delighted in and cherished. His talents, intelligence, faith, and imagination were nurtured. He loved his extended family and big family gatherings. The church was a big part of his life. He knew the consolation of true friendship and was a loyal, loving friend. He conquered what many fear most—public performance—and was an enthusiastic pianist. He accompanied his parents to music festivals, concerts, plays, and traveled in the U.S. and around the world. He dreamed of being an engineer and inventor. He loved Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lego and monkeys. He loved to read, and when he no longer had the energy to read, often asked to be read to. We shared a rich and happy, interesting and adventurous nine years. In the end, when he was put through a trial that no one should have to endure, his true nature was revealed to be even more gracious, courageous, and faithful than we had known.
From diagnosis to death, that little boy had 3 weeks. Get outside your house, enjoy the sunshine or the rain or Tropical Storm Fay or a hummingbird or the smell of freshly mown grass. Do something and thank someone, anyone (whatever your religious/spiritual flavor), for your healthy time here. I don't have a case of the Mondays, I didn't yesterday, I was just a person who'd lost their perspective.

I have only vague memories of what my own house was like after my brother died. It was two weeks before my 12th birthday and a week before his 20th birthday. I should say before I turned 12 as I don't remember having a birthday party that year. I may very well have been given one by other members of my family, but my parents didn't know me for a little while and I remember no party. The little boy was an only child so I cannot imagine the quietness and solitude of that house. I hope his parents can see their way out of this and avoid divorce as my parents, and many other couples who've lost a child, did not. My mother still gets teary-eyed and loses her voice if my brother comes up in conversation, so I make a point not to do so unless it can't be avoided. I'm a big chicken in that way. I will avoid sad things at nearly any cost as I hate being sad or upset myself. I don't enjoy movies or books where siblings die and I don't watch or read them if I know about it in advance. I have to work hard not to tear up when I see two siblings having a good time or a laugh together, like T and her brother (even though they sometimes don't see eye to eye) or KT and her sister. I do have a half brother (D, who I've blogged about many times, we have my father in common) and we have a great relationship that I cherish. I guess what it comes down to is that with E, we did not have a good relationship and I disliked him (I don't want to say "hate" but that is what it would have been then) up until the day he died, and then I didn't have a chance to like him or not. Would we have been friends? Would he have had kids that I could love like I do S and C? Would I have gone on vacation with him and whoever he may have married? Would I have liked her as much as I do D's wife? Questions never to be answered.

Sorry to sniffle on ya'll's virtual shoulders. I better go now, the patrons are starting to stare.

3 comments:

Erica said...

i'm counting my blessings too.

i'm sorry this makes you extra sad...

Holley T said...

It's nice that you are going to the visitation service tomorrow. Is anyone else from the Children's Dept going? Did you see that they had listed the library as one of the charitable donation recipients?

t said...

I would happily make the sacrifice and give you my brother. ;-)