About 10 minutes ago I had to call 911 because two patrons (a regular couple, though not a pleasant pair of people as patrons go) were having a knock-down-drag-out in the stacks. It was a man (whom we all refer to as Perfume Man due to his flowery cologne) and a woman (whom we all refer to as The Redneck Hippie) and the man was taking the worst of it. They were fighting their way to the desk when I called and, luckily, the police station is across the street so they were here in about 45 seconds. Five police officers came pounding up the stairs, took one look at the guy and said, "Oh, we know you. Get over here!"
Man and woman were taken outside to be questioned, then banned from the library from now on. We are to call the cops if we see them again. After all the bruhaha settled down, Lauren told me the lady had, about 15 or 20 minutes previously, a loud cell phone conversation (ironically enough, in the religion/spirituality section) in which the phrases "Oh great! This is just perfect! As if I'm not miserable enough!" and "You really are the egotistical bastard I thought you were!" figured prominently. I guess he didn't appreciate it.
That is all.