Friday, August 8, 2008

something winged this way comes...

Going back in time a bit, I will relate the tale of woe that was my drive home from the BFE...otherwise known as The Beautiful, Yet Remote, St. George's Island, Florida.

I will reiterate that there was no cell phone reception on St. George's Island and there were at least 3 cell phone carriers represented, including one that supposedly allows a large crowd of it's employees to follow individual subscribers around, if you catch my drift. We had wireless internet from sunup to...well, sunup, but no cell phone reception.

As we all left very sadly of a Saturday morning for the long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long trek back to Birmingham, I had the windows down and the radio on just enjoying life, liberty and the non-pursuit of work. About 30 miles into our trip, as my left hand was riding the breeze outside my car window, something punched me in the left cheek. As it quickly began to sting and I hear some buzzing, madness ensued. I swatted frantically at my cheek and my car, still traveling at a swift 70-75 mph, swerved a bit. I still had not seen my attacker and my frantic mind instantly came up with possibilities Darwin would have been proud of like the buzzing fer-de-lance, the airborne scorpion, or something of an arachnid nature which I flatly refused to think of a moment more.

Actually, it was the gunshot stinging on my chest that took my attention away from my other morbid thoughts. Now I'm swatting at my chest frantically, torqueing my fingers on the seatbelt and, again, swerving all around. I feel something buggy on my hands and see something small being swatted but the driving and the stinging of my cheek and chest are kind of thought consuming.

About 10 minutes later, heart calm but still stinging, I see something in the floorboard out of the corner of my eye. It was a giant wasp crawling around. My only weapon, a 34 load bottle of Gain! I took off my seatbelt, again with the swerving, and SQUASHED HIM! (I thought)

About 20 minutes later, much calmer but still stinging, I hear buzzing near my head and the little bastard had the audacity to survive the Gain-smashing and is buzzing about the window. This time I would brook no arguements! Again, I took off my seatbelt, twisted my leg up to get at my flipflop, and then I REALLY sqaushed him!

I still stung all the way home and itched for days afterward, but I did survive! And no one in our caravan of cars noticed the swerving!

that is all.

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